WARNING: Read the following wif a Cockney accent -- aw rite?

Snatch is a story of a bunch o’ geezas narrated by our man, Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman — Turkish — named after the airplane he was born on. Turkish hangs out with his best mate, Tommy. Proper name for an Englishman — Tommy — named after a machine gun. Yeah, Bollocks! He’s a right little pil ... but he’s aw rite.

Snatch essentially follows several interwoven storylines in the lives of some of East London’s seedier characters.

First there’s Turkish and his mate Tommy, of course. Then we meet a lineup of such wholesome individuals as Freddy Four Fingers — the geeza wot blagged a diamond in Antwerp and now trying to fence the stone in London — Brick Top — feared godfather of the London underworld, into everything from blagged stones to fixing bare-knuckled fights — One Punch Mickey — a verbally challenged Pikey and fighter — Bullet Tooth Tony — well-’ard local enforcer — and other assortments of villans and likley lads.

Aside from the convoluted journey the diamond weaves through the bowls of this seedy underbelly, the story also follows the misadventures of Turkish and Tommy as they inveigle One Punch Mickey to step into one of Brick Top’s fighting rings and, more importantly, take a dive in the fourth.

"Oilduitfuracarabaanfurmeemaa," Mickey agrees. Sawted! But Turkish ain’t buyin a caravan for no tart. "Sorry, not callin’ yer ma a tart or noffin."

But you can’t keep a good man down. One Punch Mickey lives up to his name, almost killin’ his opponent with a vicious roll o’ the shoulder in the opening seconds ... nice one bruver.

Most punters would be happy with such a devastating display of manly prowess, but not when he’s supposed to take a dive and when those punters have serious money riding on the sack of shyte now lying on the canvas.

"In the words of the Virgin Mary ... come again?" Brick Top loses face with his associates. He explains to Turkish that ‘Nine hungry pigs can erase all trace of human existence in eight minutes’ and how his henchmen could also eliminate a Pikeys’ camp in shawt awda. Know wot I mean, my son? Needless to say, the lads find themselves in a spot of bover.

Snatch is an evolution of the hugely successful Lock Stock and Two Smokin’ Barrels. Those of us who loved that piece of cinema classic were filled with excitement when we heard director Guy Ritchie was once again injecting his creative juices into the ring.

But would it, could it, live up to the reputation of the original? "If it’s only arf as good as Lock Stock (as all hip movie-goers now refer to it) then it’ll be good enough for me" a geeza I know (and have to put up with, day, after day, after day...) announced.

Apart from gathering much of the same crew around him for the second effort (with the brilliant addition of Brad Pitt), Ritchie has taken his own, unique, spin on the genre to a higher plane. His use of storyline interaction and timeline rewind works to brilliant comic effect.

The aforementioned geeza whot I ‘ave ta put up wif, day, after day, after bleedin’ day, has added a whole swag of new geeza one-liners to his repertoire including, of course Oilduitfuracarabaanfurmeemaa.

The official website is not really worth the effort but searching for Snatch in Yahoo or any other engine was a real education for a good catolik boy oil ave ya know.